Stop it!

A friend of mine reminded me the other day of a comedy bit that Bob Newhart used to do. I know it is going to show how very old I am. Anyway, Bob pretends to be a psychiatrist giving advice. Invariably his advise always ends with "Stop it!"

I believe in mental health care. I believe people get real help there. I am not belittling the mental anguish that people go through. However, there is much to be said about the practice of people who simply "Stop it!" or "knock it off!" I think that our culture has so imbedded the idea that we are not responsible for anything that people have ceased to take control of their own actions. It is a little like Adam when he blamed Eve for making him eat the apple. If you remember, Adam then blamed God for giving him the woman. What a jackass! Take responsibility.

Sometimes you just have to say that you wont do something anymore or that you choose to do the right thing. No mind games, no pills, no counseling just stop it! If you dont want to be mean to people anymore or your wife or your kids... stop it! If you dont want the poor diet you've chosen then stop it! If you are tired of living a meaningless life... stop it! Its a simple concept, but it takes the man in us (or woman) to stop the bad behavior and take responsibility for it.

The trick then is to replace the bad behavior with something good. DONT DO NOTHING. You will slip back into old habits. Do something good. Do an act of service. Do something generous.

Part of the issue may be that our society no longer has rights of passages and no mentoring of young people to learn what it is to be responsible for their actions. This too is an excuse in the long run.

We can change the future, but not the past. Likely, if you can read this, you can take some responsibility for your actions. So simply stop it. See if that helps. Then tell someone. Its called accountability. Then someone else can help tell you to "Stop it!"

The lost art

Is it me or do people not seem to think on their own anymore? I was struck by this while I was do ing a leadership study. I went to a wedding and the leader always seems to be the person with the mic. While this is fine at a wedding I feel as though it is the way many people live their lives. It seems to me that people have abdicated the idea of thinking for themselves.

Our society likes to follow trends and even politics of entertainers that we find on film and television. Thats a little weird when you consider that a lot of people are following the advise of people who have had very little education in some cases and have about as much grasp on reality as i have on what it must be like to be a dwarf.

It goes further than that in our culture. I don't want to make any political statements here, but how many people support a candidate or cause because they actually evaluate it? Most voters hold to a party line. It doesn't matter if the President came out with a free no obligation health care plan that needs no extra funding. Most red states would vote against it because of the party associated with it. You know it is true. Howard Stern put interviews on the air in the last election about the policies of the two presidential candidates. In the end, it was clear that many people were voting for an ethnicity and not an issue, cause or policy. I knew one older woman who wanted to vote for one candidate because he was a nice looking fellow. You should be concerned.

If you or your family or even this country want to improve we must begin once again to think for ourselves. I like the author and speaker Tony Campolo. He says people ask him all the time if he is a Democrat or a Republican. His answer is always the same... "Tell me the issue." He believes different things about different issues and so do you. Stop letting people tell you what to think and find out for yourself. I get truly frustrated with a party line mentality. I like leaders who can see that if something is a good idea and it works that it does not matter where it came from.

Remember when your teacher would say "don't judge a book by its cover."? A lot of people have lost the art of actually looking into something. In the "Google" arena, people have forgotten that thought is a process.

Think about it.

What Matters?

I have had a few conversations lately that have been all to familiar.  These dialogues have been stories of community break down.  These stories always remind me of a study that I read about concerning combat soldiers.  This study found that soldiers who are near or on the front lines and regularly involved in patrol or combat have very few incidences of fighting amongst themselves.  The same study found high instances of in-fighting amongst those who are safely on a base away from combat.  Perhaps idle hands are the Devils work shop.

This has been a reoccurring theme in and around the organizations that I work with.  Why do we seem to always find a way to fight and bicker about minutia.  Oh, some things may have some value to them, but most often we find ourselves deep in a struggle that has very little to do with what matters at all.  This I think is one of the great curses of the institutional church.  The churches in China and the Middle East have low incidences of feudal arguments because they are in a fight for their very lives and existence as a community that follows Jesus.  When I hear churches in my community fuss over small things, it makes all of those who follow Jesus appear small.  I am not just talking about the classic paint and carpet color issues.  Church leadership meeting to discuss the worthiness of a teacher because he is dating outside his denomination (as if that matters to God) is ridiculous.  When we allow ourselves to be angered or sucked into a conflict about control issues in a church (it is God's church after all) we diminish the body of Christ.  It is worse still when we to it to ourselves.  When we allow past relationships or things people say influence our joy, we lose sight of what matters.  We in the worst way become slaves, slaves to others and to our past.  

I want to do what matters to God.  That is why I like mission trips.  It is not always about what you are doing as much as it is the fact that you are doing something that matters.  When we get into a third world situation and we see that 1 child dies every 15 seconds due to a water born disease, the pettiness of our institutional church seems to dissipate if only for a moment.  It is not that issues don't come up and it is not that small issues shouldn't be addressed, but didn't Jesus say somewhere to do everything in love?

All I am saying is that if you are going to follow Jesus, follow Him.  That is what matters.

A Kind Word

Why is it so hard to give a kind word to someone?  You know, a compliment, positive feedback, encouragement, something to build someone instead of taking them down a peg.  Has or society become so sarcastic?  Are we so self-centric that we cannot build up unless someone does it for me first?

I even work in an environment that is suppose to be full of people building up others and yet sometimes i don't see it.  This has confounded me lately.  I am even a leader that gets spot light and I often do not feel very encouraged at all.  True, it is lonely at the top.  Sometimes you can feel isolated because of leadership wondering if you are on the right track at all.  So that has made me think about others that aren't in the spot light.  Are they getting far less encouragement and support?  This is a problem.  If our culture doesn't build up, whether we like it or not, we are tearing down.  No news isn't good news, it is indifference and destructive by nature.  Sometimes I think I hold back because I want my compliments to be special.  So when someone hears it, they know that I mean it.  THAT IS SO LAME!  Holding back from building someone up so that it means more later makes no sense.  Holding back so people don't get an ego is just as bad.

The thing is that I like to lift up people.  It makes me feel good to spur others on and to help them reach their goals and drive toward their dreams.  Yet, I know that I don't do it enough.  So, I am going to start to be better.  It may take a while, but it will happen.

No I am not talking about false praise or shallow compliments.  I am saying that when I see something good and unique, I am going to say it... so should you!

What about you?

What do you want to hear about?  What are you neutral on, but want to come to a decision?  Has there ever been a major issue that you have heard about, but you've never quite understood why everyone is so up in arms over it.  I'd lie to hear about it.  just the topic and maybe a short statement why it just doesn't seem to impact you.